Everyone is being swept up in Star Wars fever but look a little closer at all the promotional material, the trailers and merchandise and something unsettling is happening. If you were looking for a movie that perfectly encapsulates what you felt about Star Wars I’m afraid you may be getting your hopes up. Check out our top 8 reasons why you should avoid the new movie like the plague.
First things first lets get this one out of the way. You remember the original trilogy right? 3 films of dogfights in space, epic snow battles and lightsaber duels? that’s over 6 hours of glorious entertainment. Well ‘The Force Awakens’ is only 2 hours 16 minutes long. How can they capture all that magic in that amount of time? Sounds like a rip-off to me. With the old trilogy we got 3 films and this Christmas they’re only giving us one? No way only one film could be anywhere as great as three. I’m not paying Disney the ticket price for inevitable disappointment. I just won’t do it.
Some old faces are back for the new film and that sounds great and everything but there are some faces missing. Where’s Peter Cushing’s Grand Moff Tarkin, Huh? He ran the Death Star! How could you leave him out? Why isn’t Ian McDiarmid’s Palpatine back? He was pretty cool. Did Greedo shoot first? Why isn’t he back in Episode 7 to let us know once and for all? Don’t even get me started on the decision not to bring back Vader as well as the fact that we’ll never find out what happened to Jabba the Hutt.
We all remember that wise old Muppet Yoda. He was a hit with fans the second he hit the screen back in Empire. He’s seen here beside Miss Piggy and Kermit the frog. Kermit also auditioned but thankfully Yoda won the part. I think that it was ultimately the right choice as Kermit is too light hearted for the role. In ‘The Force Awakens’ though, not only have they hired Kermit to be the new film’s star Muppet but they’ve also thrown in Gonzo and Miss Piggy to help get some much needed exposure for Disney’s floundering TV show ‘The Muppets’. Call it corporate synergy if you like but Miss Piggy is a step too far for Star Wars.
Kenny Baker is the beloved actor who has played R2-D2 in all 6 Star Wars films so far. Fans have taken the droid to their hearts for decades and he’s produced many toys and emblazoned many lunch boxes. Star Wars fans know that he’s number one, followed closely by C3-PO. Why then have the bigwigs at Disney added another droid to the mix? BB-8 is an orange and white rolling nightmare to all that is sacred in the world of Star Wars Droids. You can’t even fit a man inside it to roll around and operate him. Thus taking a job away from the hard working little people who so diligently operate the droids of the Star Wars Universe. Sorry guys. Disney would rather you earn your crust doing pantomime.
During the trailer fans immediately knew something was awry within seconds. A storm trooper removes his helmet to slowly reveal John Boyega, a black actor in the famous white armor. Now I don’t know about you but this doesn’t sit right with me. Throughout the original trilogy it was obvious that storm troopers couldn’t remove their helmets. Much like Boba Fett they were simply aliens that appear to our eyes like a soldier in armor when in fact it was just a protective exoskeleton much like a crab. Removing the helmet to show the actor just breaks the fourth wall.
Fan favorite Jar Jar Binks played a vital role in the prequel trilogy providing some much needed comic relief. Whether he was catching things out of mid-air with his tongue or tripping over his own feet and destroying the odd droid at the Battle of Naboo. He didn’t feature in the original trilogy but I think I speak for the fans when I say that to miss out on revisiting him after all these years is a crime against Star Wars! Why wouldn’t they take some time out of saving the galaxy to drop by and see old Jar Jar and all his little Jar Jars?
While nothing could compete with the original trilogy in terms of impact and sheer viewing pleasure, the prequel trilogy none the less was highly successful. Something which the producers of the new film shouldn’t dismiss. One of the main reasons that the prequels are so popular is the addition of complex intergalactic politics into the exciting mix of laser gun shoot outs and lightsaber duels. Action and adventure in space is all well and good but Episodes 1 through 3 really laid the ground work for the political scene. The next generation of Star Wars fans loved to see how a galactic senate was run, how trade embargos work in deep space and how a vote of no confidence can be manipulated by those who don’t like the idea of a democratic republic, turning everything on it’s head and giving birth to an intergalactic dictatorship! Has anyone in the trailers for the force awakens even mentioned the trade federation yet? I was brought up on the prequel trilogy and this just ain’t MY Star Wars.
If I haven’t persuaded you by now then here’s the biggest reason of them all. Episode 7’s Director is JJ Abrams. He’s had hits with Mission Impossible 3 and TV shows like Lost. Sounds like he’s just the man for the job right? Wrong. JJ Abrams has a dirty little secret. He actually directed the ‘Star Trek’ reboot and it’s sequel ‘Star Trek Into Darkness’. Everyone knows that it’s either Star Trek or Star Wars. You can’t have both. He’s obviously only taken on the job so he can sink Star Wars once and for all. Abrams would like nothing more than for this film to bomb so that his next Star Trek film can clean up at the box office. If you call yourself a Star Wars fan you won’t be supporting a Star Trek fan’s vision of Star Wars.
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